No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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