I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
