Umm I'm too high to move.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
