"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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