he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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