Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
