Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize