I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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