So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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