Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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