I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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