Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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