this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
