Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
