I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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