We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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