i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
