What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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