I will die if light touches me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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