woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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