"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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