I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
