Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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