i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
