therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
