Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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