Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize