Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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