Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
