your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
