you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
