Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
