The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
