I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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