You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
