The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
