the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
