Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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