Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
