She announced her abortion via fbk
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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