Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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