I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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