i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
