Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
