how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
