Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
