Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
