then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we're so committed to being not committed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
