Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
