Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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