I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
