Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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