..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize