If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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