Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
