She announced her abortion via fbk
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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