A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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