I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
