Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
