you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
