He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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