He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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