he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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