The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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