the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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