my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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