This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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