We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
