Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
